I Have Begun to Self-Identify as an Illegal Alien

7 Jan

 Where oh where were you last night?
Where is the flag we looked for at dawn? 
We had a bold leader reviving our glory; 
You left for Biden and Phht! it was gawn.

During his tenure in office, Donald Trump did everything he said he would do and more. He made the United States energy independent. He cleared out ISIS. He brought our manufacturing base back. This was after Barack Obama said it could not be done. He built a wall between the United States and Mexico so that immigrants would be properly screened as they entered. The wall has proved to be a benefit to both citizens and non citizens. He repaired the VA. He initiated a trade war with China that has greatly improved the United States’ trade position with that nation. He renegotiated NAFTA and greatly improved the United States’ trade position with Mexico and Canada. He got European nations to pay their fair share of NATO. He negotiated peace in the Middle East. Pre-pandemic, he increased employment among every minority, and, thanks to the strong economy he built, that employment is quickly coming back. He strengthened markets both before and during the pandemic. He initiated the Warp Speed program and got several vaccinations ready faster than experts thought possible. Donald Trump blessed our nation with the skills he honed through a lifetime of entrepreneurship. The only thing Americans had to do was sit back and let him.

In the meantime, Democrats initiated two onerous and counterproductive investigations into Donald Trump then lied and cheated incessantly to facilitate those investigations. They fostered division and racism. They coordinated with big tech to advance corporatocracy in the interests of the Chinese Communist Party. Democrats ruthlessly persecuted worthy nominees to the Supreme Court. They mismanaged the pandemic in their own regions and killed thousands of elderly. They supported violent burning, looting and vandalism in nearly every Democrat enclave. Remarkably, instead of working to curtail the violence, they commenced to defund the police. Does anyone actually believe defunding the police is a good idea? For their encore, Democrats stole a presidential election. Democrats proved that in modern America if one utterly foregoes decency and legitimacy for as long as it takes, one can ultimately seize power.

Donald Trump and his supporters worked feverishly to show Americans these realities. Yet, when given a choice, Americans chose as their president in 2020 an incompetent Democrat that is under the thumb of China and is implicated in an influence peddling criminal probe. He promised to “build back better”, be nicer and give lots of stuff away. The only other consistency in his message was blaming Donald Trump for a virus that originated in Wuhan China. In essence, Americans chose him for his empty promises, his unthreatening behavior and one preposterous lie. It is likely that he effectively stole the election—rather that it was stolen for him—but enough Americans voted for him to make that theft possible, and they ultimately allowed him to assume power. Like Jack of Jack and the Beanstalk, Americans traded their reliable, albeit coarse, family cow for a handful of magic beans. Like Jack, Americans will be rewarded with a colossal vegetable: Joe Biden. If this seems purely allegorical, consider the following video narrated by our new Vice President:

Jack and the Rising Beansprouts

On January 6, 2021, Americans who still grasp our nation’s mission tried to show their disapproval. Their mostly peaceful protest was denigrated and their real message was ignored. That protest will be misrepresented as an insurrection in history books written by the hypocrites who control our academic institutions. Donald Trump will be misrepresented as instigating an insurrection. With the exception of the martyrdom of Ashli Babbitt and the puzzling death of one police officer, it was an unremarkable event. The protesters were unarmed and very little actual harm was done. They left peaceably when asked. There is a quote misattributed to Thomas Jefferson: “When governments fear the people, there is liberty. When the people fear the government, there is tyranny.” Those protesters were merely reminding their government to be afraid…and God bless them for their trouble. Some politicians and pundits (even on Fox News) have compared this protest to the attacks on 9/11/2001. For me, the insufferable pretension of those politicians and pundits was the last straw.

The United States has become a nation composed primarily of fools. Whether they foolishly chose Joe Biden as their leader through incompetence, cowardice or actual intent is irrelevant. Collectively, they are fools. A nation can be only as great as its citizens. There can be no great nation composed primarily of fools, so there is no future for the United States. Moreover, I would prefer not to tarnish the memory of a once great republic by associating it with its present inhabitants. There is a popular meme that goes a long way in describing our present predicament:

Hard times create strong men.

Strong men create good times.

Good times create weak men.

Weak men create hard times.

The United States of America had a magnificent 244 year run, but now it is gone. It has been replaced by Unbelievably Stupid America…an example of idiocracy (still the USA, though). A process of decadence that was initiated 100 years ago by John Dewey has finally coalesced. It is no longer possible to be a citizen of the United States of America. Citizenship in the United States of America is no longer possible for the same reason that it is no longer possible to be a citizen of the ancient Roman Republic. Our own republic, the United States, might have lasted another four years if Republicans in office had grown a spine and protected the Constitution, but they chose, instead, to look out for their own welfare and save their own pitiful incumbencies. And so their incumbencies may be safe, for the time being, but they too are dated. I feel badly for military veterans and service men and women tonight. For nearly 250 years they have fought our nation’s battles, and we have come to this. They did their job and I recognize their excellence. Alas, I am only the messenger. What has transpired is bigger than all of us.

It is not practicable for Trump supporters to be citizens of this new nation. Unbelievably Stupid Americans have already deprived us of the right to speak, and they are beginning to deprive us of the right to vote. To effect the former, they have been complicit in selective censoring on campuses and social media. To effect the latter, they are making it easy for noncitizens to vote in elections. This means that they are cancelling the votes of actual citizens. By taking away our right to speak and vote, they are stripping us of our citizenship. Moreover, powerful inhabitants of the region that once constituted the United States do not want people like us to be citizens. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her comrades have made that abundantly clear. They have started forming enemy’s lists and are making plans to punish people whose political views differ from their own. Doxing and blackballing appear to be their first order of business. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her comrades do not necessarily represent all or even most Americans, but remember: Unbelievably Stupid Americans are responsible for these characters. They put them into power.

Some residents of the former United States see the aforementioned offenses as a second amendment issue. However, they are making an important mistake. The second amendment was intended to protect citizens from tyranny. No oppressive government is stripping us of our rights. No foreign government has invaded…not yet, at least. We are suffering from a moral and ethical meltdown. We are suffering from lazy, wishful thinking. Too many former Americans have forgotten our original mission and ceased to care about restoring it. They are more concerned with rationalizing personal pronouns than with keeping their homes and families safe. Like ancient Romans, they have busied themselves redefining ‘gravitas’ until it no longer resembles anything like a plausible virtue. We are not being oppressed or conquered. We are rotting from within. It would not be possible to shoot enough people to correct this problem. Some militia group might seize control and install what they consider a responsible government, but what then? If they established anything resembling a democracy our slothful inhabitants would just vote them out again. If they established any other form of government, they would be hastening the inevitable.

Some residents of the former United States believe that if Joe Biden does a poor job, Americans will elect a Republican in 2024. They even believe it is possible that Americans will reelect Donald Trump. This is extremely unlikely. Democrats have an airtight strategy to shift the demographics of the former United States irreversibly in their favor, and they fully intend to deploy it. They will simply declare 20 million undocumented immigrants to be citizens. Failing that, they will fall back on their tried and true machinery to steal the next election. This time, they will have legal cover from the top. However, if Americans do succeed in getting a Republican into office, it most likely will not reverse what they have done and it definitely will not reverse what they have become. If their answer to stupidity is to do the opposite when given another opportunity, they are no better than animals. Even a rat will go right if it got a shock the last time it went left. Besides, in 2024, if Unbelievably Stupid Americans get a Republican into office, it will likely be a Republican who makes empty promises, is unthreatening and who ultimately bows to the deep state, corporate powers and foreign influences. Americans have already proved they have lost their way. They may get lucky once more or they may not. Ultimately, they will throw craps. I cannot endure years of monitoring them as they replace their present addiction with a different one.

For these reasons, I have decided to remain within the borders of the former United States but begin self-identifying as an illegal alien. Bear in mind that I do not consider myself alien to the United States, but rather alien to the idiocracy that has replaced the United States.

Before I explain what a self-identifying illegal alien is, I will first clarify what it is not. The term “illegal” does not necessarily refer to citizenship but an attitude about national laws. One who disregards the spirit of such laws and follows them only to the extent that is necessary to avoid consequences is, in my opinion, effectively illegal. An “alien” is not necessarily a person from a foreign land. Alien refers to anyone or anything that differs in nature to the point of incompatibility. I feel that I am incompatible with the nation that has emerged in the wake of this election.

As I see it, these are the characteristics of a self-identifying illegal alien (SIIA, pronounced SEE-ya):

  1. Never donates to or supports any political organization or cause. There can be no party for self-identifying illegal aliens. No “tent” is that big.
  2. Votes in elections. Voting has been made easy and one may as well feel a sense of entitlement regardless of how insignificant one’s influence may be.
  3. Takes advantage of any and all government give-away programs wherever and whenever feasible.
  4. Covertly avoids civic duty such as serving in juries and participating in anti-racist struggle sessions. Illegal aliens are not citizens and should not delude themselves into believing that they are. They may serve in any capacity that they believe is necessary to protect their loved ones, their residency or their freedom.
  5. Privately brags about being a self-identifying illegal alien. Self-identifying illegal aliens are coolly smug. They also need to be aware of one another. They often display the Ascension of Biden symbol (explained below).
  6. Officially claims to be a solid citizen in good standing. Self-identifying illegal aliens do not unnecessarily risk official sanctions.
  7. If the going gets rough, abandons the country, or at least the Leftist regions of the country, and sheds all concern thereof. There can be no patriotic loyalty to a nation to which one neither belongs nor is wanted. This does not mean abandoning loved ones.

Henceforth, I shall self-identify as an illegal alien residing in a nation where I do not naturally belong and where, frankly, my citizenship is being revoked.

Although I have begun to self-identify as an illegal alien, I see no reason why I should give up any advantages connected to residing in Unbelievably Stupid America. It should be relatively safe to remain here, for a while at least, as long as one is covert. It is safe for undocumented immigrants, so it should be safe for self-identifying illegal aliens.  Moving would be a lot of work, for now at least, and the extant nation promises lots of giveaways under Joe Biden. I have paid for those giveaways with my hard earned tax dollars and I would like to benefit from them as long as possible.

This ring is the official symbol of the self-identifying illegal alien. It helps adherents to the movement identify one another. It is called Ascension of Biden:


The baldness represents the phoniness of “Plugs Biden”. The Vacant eyes represent the blindness of those who propped him up. The “HA HA HA” represents the world laughing at the United States in its demise. The clown face represents that Joe is a joke. The aura of death represents the darkness behind the joke: the death of the United States. Its manufacture in China represents the United States’ ruling class selling out. The overall sense of disrespect represents the self-identifying illegal alien movement.

These are actual pictures of the ring. It can be purchased from several sellers. I recommend buying precisely one from three different sellers, since shipment from China can be a bit sketchy…as is the Biden administration…and its connection to China. The hollowed out part behind the face results in a fitting problem that I have noted in rings. If you are normally fitted with a ring that is completely solid in a certain size, then you should get one size smaller in the Biden ring. Thus, if your usual ring size is 11 for a completely solid ring, you should get a size 10. If you do not know your ring size, you should first get one of these:


If the ring won’t work for you, have the image printed or embroidered on a shirt, hat, bag, watch face or other customizable product. Who knows, there may soon be a market for Ascension of Biden wear. I do not recommend having it tattooed on your arm.

Keep in mind: the future may be bright…just not for the United States of America.

We SIIAs can remain here for as long as necessary, but we really need our own country. It would probably be too messy to carve one from the contiguous USA, but perhaps we can form a brand new country off-world by capitalizing on the work of true men of vision like Elon Musk. Fortunately, he is moving to Texas where he can do us some good. Suit yourself, but I may be headed for the stars. I have discussed my ideas for inhabiting space, a future government and a universal culture in other essays:

Colonizing Space

The Synthetic Republic

Spike’s New Moral Society

This is going to happen sooner and faster than most people expect. Artificial intelligence and robotics will greatly accelerate the rate that humans inhabit space. We need to get out there and get to work before Unbelievably Stupid America regulates the solar system to death and before its hegemon, China, establishes a cosmic tyranny. We can tell everyone back home that we are starting a colony. Hey, it worked for the Pilgrims! We can learn from their mistakes.

See ya in Siialand!


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