spikosauropod

November 14, 2072

By Jack Foreman

Of all the mysteries of the early 21^st Century, the one that still most baffles historians is the demise of one of two political parties that existed at that time. Today, we still have two political parties, the Trump Party and the GOP. However, until 2023 the two political parties in the United States were called the Republicans and the Democrats. The Republican Party is the one we now recognize as Trump. The Democrat Party met with an untimely and inexplicable end.

It is popular to say that the demise of the Democrat Party was a remarkable example of group insanity. However, it will be interesting to look into events of that time. Perhaps the reader will glean some unexpected and unprecedented insight.

The end of the Democrat Party can probably best be traced to the election of a group of inexperienced political fanatics to the House of Representatives. They were popularly known in their time as “The Squad”. Although different historians include different members in The Squad, the main members were almost certainly Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the ring leader, Ilhan Abdullahi Omar, an illegal Muslim immigrant that mysteriously gained political prominence, Rashida Harbi Tlaib, a former activist and protester, and Ayanna Soyini Pressley (not related to the singer Elvis Presley). The squad formed at the beginning of the first Trump administration (2017-2021) and quickly gained prominence in the party.

At first, other members of the Democrat Party attempted to marginalize members of The Squad. Nancy Pelosi, then the Democrat Speaker of the House, attempted to discredit their ideas and theories. Newly elected and reelected members of the Democrat Party, attempting to account for their political struggles, insisted that the ideas of The Squad, especially in reference to socialism (a failed political ideology) and defunding of the police, should never be mentioned again. Curiously, disdain for the ideas of The Squad were quickly replaced by an almost hypnotic control over members of the Democrat Party and a handful of Republicans.

In addition to socialism and defunding of police forces, The Squad favored a drastic realignment of the energy grid in ways that would be too expensive and inefficient to implement. They seemed to believe this realignment would prevent the earth from going into a period of overheating erroneously referred to as “Global Warming”. This construction was particularly ironic, given the mini ice age and harsh winters that ultimately ensued. The earth came out of the mini ice age, often referred to as the “Modern-Maunder”, in the last decade.

Another possible point of departure for the Democrat Party may be a period of defunding police forces across the country. Several false accusations against police officers resulted in escalating riots involving burning and looting of significant tracts of real estate. With the police hampered by false accusations and reduced funding, they were unable to react effectively to the burning and looting. This burning and looting added to later economic woes. Surprisingly, though nearly all of the burning and looting took place in Democrat controlled enclaves, Americans initially gave Democrat politicians a pass. Nevertheless, their patience ultimately expired.

At the beginning of 2020, it appeared certain that Donald John Trump, who gave his name to one of the extant political parties, would win reelection. However, this was the beginning of the 2020-2022 pandemic. During the pandemic, Democrats managed to persuade many Americans that Donald Trump had somehow been responsible for the pandemic, which gave them an advantage. This claim was, of course, spurious. It is now well understood that the virus that caused the pandemic was the result of a careless lab accident in then Communist China. Nevertheless, the accusation stuck and the Democrats were able to use it to their advantage.

Believing that they had no chance of winning the 2020 presidential election, the Democrats nominated Joe Biden, an aged and washed-out political hack that had made a career of saying or doing whatever was politically expedient during nearly 50 years as a United States senator. In the same mindset, they chose the marginally competent Kamala Harris (The Whore) as his running mate.

Remarkably, the Democrat strategy of blaming Donald Trump for the pandemic won the presidential election in November 2020 and Joe Biden and Kamala Harris were sworn in on January 6, 2021. There was an incident at that time that is the subject of many popular jokes involving clowns staging insurrections. The children’s comedy, Bozo Insurrection, was inspired by the popular meme. That incident is a topic for another discussion.

The great president, Donald John Trump, had done an excellent job of paving the way for Joe Biden’s administration. He had miraculously persuaded three pharmaceutical companies to hurry their production of suitable vaccines. The vaccines, which were largely successful, were ready the day after Joe Biden was elected and well on their way to being distributed by the day he was inaugurated.

Joe Biden could have virtually taken a break while the programs established by Donald Trump took effect. Trump had also initiated the construction of an effective border wall and renegotiated many trade agreements and treatises with other nations. The economy began to surge during Trump’s first administration. Joe Biden really had nothing more to do than allow these programs to take effect.

Nevertheless, Joe Biden reversed every action taken by his predecessor. Apparently directed by The Squad, he stopped construction of the border wall, tore up all the treaties and trade agreements and (this action is particularly difficult to account for) shut down power production across the country. As illegal immigrants streamed across the southern border, bringing with them disease and crime, the economy collapsed. Curiously, Joe Biden also attempted to pass a massive Squad supported spending bill that would have exacerbated the already problematic record inflation.

It is important to note that Joe Biden had every excuse to follow through with the programs implemented by Donald Trump. He could simply have said that with the pandemic raging, it was not the time for drastic social change. He could certainly have continued construction of the wall, if only to keep additional strains of the Covid-19 virus from entering the country unimpeded.

Nevertheless, Joe Biden seemed to do everything conceivable to set the United States back. He even implemented a scientifically unsound, constitutionally suspect and economically disastrous vaccine mandate that forced countless people to resign from their jobs. Those who resigned were critical workers that were needed in hospitals and shipping. Going into 2022, the United States had only a skeletal work force.

The winter of 2022 was especially harsh. With a large percentage of emergency workers rendered unemployed by the vaccine mandate, roads were not plowed and power was slow to be restored after storms. This resulted in a world-wide depression setting in that did not lift until the end of Donald Trump’s second term (2025-2029).

Republicans (again, as the Trump Party was known at the time), overwhelmingly won elections and seized power in November of 2022. After they assumed power, they quickly began to prosecute Democrats.

By the summer of 2023, the United States was well into the Great Prosecution in which Democrat politicians were tried and imprisoned. Most of them mysteriously disappeared from prison and were never heard from again. These disappearances were so pervasive that legal institutions were afraid to investigate them for fear of reprisal. The name “Democrat” became such anathema that it was barely spoken and, to this day, is considered something of an expletive. The insult “You Democrat” is often heard in playgrounds exclaimed by petulant children.

It would be simple enough to say that Joe Biden was merely a buffoon who acted accordingly. However, there are numerous problems with this assumption. Democrats at the time often did things in support of his actions. As explained earlier, they seemed to be under a hypnotic spell to accommodate The Squad. Even many Republicans, typically referred to as RINOS (Republicans in Name Only), supported his actions. During the Great Prosecution, these RINOs also mysteriously vanished. It has been argued that if sane statesmen had simply opposed everything Joe Biden attempted to do, things might not have gone quite so badly quite so quickly.

There was a popular meme at the time that suggested Democrats and some Republicans were simply blinded by evil in the manner of characters in popular books based on Christian eschatology.  Their disappearance is often referred to as the “Satanic Rapture”. Of course, the assumption of some kind of evil force influencing a group of people is now considered too fantastic and is, or course, not falsifiable. Probably the disappearance of these political figures has a more mundane and unsavory explanation.

So, here we are, fifty years later, still attempting to account for the political party that seemed to go collectively insane. Every theory that has been advanced to explain this phenomenon has been summarily dismissed as either inconsistent or too fantastic to consider. Theories of polluted water or high levels of noxious gasses in the atmosphere cannot be applied to such a large geographic region. Since nearly every politician who called themselves a Democrat at the time was essentially erased, they were not able to leave any account, either in justification or in penance, for their choices at the time.

Perhaps, some future computer simulation will do a better job of piecing together the etiology of this bizarre historical period. Today, it remains a dark mystery and a stain on the account of humanity.